First Tournament – Part II

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Not all that glitters is gold.

I had blue belt debut last month! It did not go as well I would have hoped but as always it was a good experience. Going in to this tournament I didn’t feel as nervous as I normally do and I wonder if it has to do with my haphazard decision to sign up. I had spent time going back on forth on if I was going to compete. I hadn’t been able to train for this tournament like normal and I kept hearing that The Southwest Classic is one of the tougher tournaments in Arizona. I was also studying for the LSAT and had my trip planned for Montana the weekend before the tournament. All of these factors had kept me on the fence about competing for this tournament. I was also scheduled to compete the following weekend. So I was busy and a little unfocused but ultimately I signed up after one of my teammates convinced me to; he didn’t want to be the only one, and a talk with my coach about “showing up.”

This tournament turned out to be one of my worst performances. This can be chalked up to essentially not being as prepared as I should have been. I had too much on my plate and not enough to devote to training but after signing up I was committed to showing up. It was also one of the strangest divisions I’ve compete in. Even weirder than NAGA back in February. I ended up competing against a 13 year old and a 15 year old. We were probably the only ones in our respective brackets and the other girls must have agreed to be moved up a division/weight class if they were alone in their bracket. I had also marked to move up but it seems that the three of us were able to make a bracket at middle weight. Anyhow, I lost both my matches. The first match kind of broke me mentally. I got hit in the mouth and bled and after that I was distracted and unfocused. I ended up getting caught in side control and maybe eventually mount (I haven’t rewatched the video) and tapped to what felt like an Ezekiel choke. This was also the first time I wanted to cry while still being on the mats. I was upset with myself and frustrated for giving up and losing control.

The second match was similar to the first. I did a little better this time but lost focus again. My opponent had really long hair and it felt like I was eating it at one point and that was gross. Again, I found myself holding back tears! I’m no stranger to crying after competing  but I usually try to wait until I get home. I was just falling apart this time and had to go outside for some air and wash my face to feel better. At the end of this I kept thinking of the different reasons why this went so badly. Those reasons started to sound like excused after a while. Ultimately, I think it just boils down to lack of preparation. I didn’t train hard enough for it and my performance showed. I also felt very weak and that may have been due to stress from studying for the LSAT, the actual test, and not resting enough between that, travelling, and the tournament. I also considered that maybe I was in the wrong weight class. I’m still proud of myself for getting that first competition out of that way. My family was misled from the picture I sent them of the medal. My sister congratulated me on my gold medal and it was telling her that it was actually a bronze.

I’m excited to see how I progress with competing as a blue belt. When I first started training, one of the guys told me not to quit after I got my blue belt. I don’t plan on it but I I’ve heard that quitting after blue isn’t uncommon. Given that and the attrition rates for whit belts that don’t make it to blue for whatever reason, the pool of women that compete is going to continue to get smaller.

Currently taking a break from Under the Volcano. I wasn’t getting anywhere with and maybe a break will help refocus my attention.

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First Tournament – Part II

Promotion

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I was promoted to blue belt last night! This means so much to me because through jiu jitsu I’ve been able to find something I truly care about and am passionate about. Something that had been missing from my life for a long time. I love that it’s something that doesn’t come naturally or easily for me because it does push me to improve and test how far I can go physically and mentally, rather than quitting. I also really love the sense of community I’ve been able to build with my teammates even though they said when I roll there are only two levels: sack of potatoes or monster. I’m excited for this next step on what I’m hoping is a lifelong journey. Thank you @chriscariasomma for being an excellent coach and believing in me and thank you @risecombatsportstucson. And thank you to my teammates who have become some of my closest and best friends. 💙💙❤

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I was actually promoted in July! This is what I posted on my Instagram the day after I was promoted. The promotion itself came as a shock even though I knew it was eventually coming. My coach had consistently been commenting that I had been improving and was able to gain opportunities for submissions from several different positions. The timing was also, I guess serendipitous. I was in the middle of one of the worst weeks I’ve had all year and the promotion was just what I needed to shift things back into perspective and get my to stop feeling so sorry for myself.

Shortly after this, I ended up taking the most time away from training since I got my wisdom teeth pulled in 2015. I was out for two weeks then. This break resulted in me limiting my training schedule from 5-6 days away to 2-3. I needed the time off so that I could study for the Law School Admissions Test (LSAT). It’s always been my dream to go to law school but it’s something that I want to do on my own terms as much as possible and that means going to the school of my choice. I have applied to it twice in the past and was placed on the wait list both times. After this first time, I began to doubt if pursuing a career in law was something I really wanted. I was accepted into a few other schools but for a variety of reasons chose not to go but that main was that none of those were the school I wanted. I don’t want to  too get into, “Well, if you want to be a lawyer, why are you letting where you go to school dictate whether or not that happens?” But this comes down to: law school is expensive, in-state tuition would help offset some of that cost, and I’ve built a life for myself in current city. I think I may also have a bit of stubborn streak.

Anyhow,  I took the test earlier this month and am waiting on my results. I should be seeing those in about two weeks. Fingers crossed that my score has improved! Comparing the difference between how I felt taking the test in 2011 and earlier this month is almost night and day. I took the LSAT in 2011 twice within a two month span and was just a nervous wreck. I felt as my entire future and self worth were wrapped up in that score and if I didn’t do well, I was worthless. I didn’t do badly but my score was extremely average. The stress from the exam an application process really did a number on me. I was so focused on that that I would feel guilty if I wasn’t studying and eventually stopped working out which led to a steady weight gain of 30 pounds and my self-esteem was shot.

This last round was so different and not just because I knew what to expect. I was expecting to be anxious, losing sleep, and miserable going into the test. This time, when I was actually sitting in the exam room, I felt really calm and zen about the whole thing. I didn’t panic about time and afterwards wasn’t agonizing over what I could have done better. I also kept telling myself, it’s just a test and it doesn’t define who I am.  I think a lot of this has to with jiu-jitsu being part of my life. Jiu-jitsu has been a constant study in self-improvement and has really helped rebuild my self-esteem. Every training session teaches me something new even if it’s reminding me not to give up even when I have a bad day. Competing also definitely helped with nerves an the actual test day. It’s way scarier trying not to get strangled by another girl.

As for reading, I haven’t done much. I read Michael Connelly’s, The Closers, right before I got super caught up in studying and that was a fun read.  I’ve also been working my way through Hunter S. Thompson’s The Great Shark Hunt. I haven’t read too many of the essays but each is super revealing and engrossing. Currently, I’m reading Malcom Lowry’s Under the Volcano, which I bought with several other books as treats for after the LSAT and when I had more time to read. I also treated myself to a trip to Glacier National Park in Montana and this was my airplane book.

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Promotion

A Man Without A Country

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The cover matches my marigolds that also match my tattoo!

Ever since reading Sirens of Titan, I’ve been meaning to read more Vonnegut. Slaughterhouse-Five is on my list and would have been the logical next step but last time I was at my local used bookseller’s and the only Vonnegut book available was A Man Without A Country. I finished it last night and no regrets! It’s not really a novel so much as it’s Vonnegut’s reflections on life and the political climate at the time. He was writing in 2004 and commenting on the Bush administration, such simpler and gentler times! I honestly never thought I would look back on that presidency in that way and can’t imagine what he would have to say.

I’m not sure I have much else to say besides go read the book. I feel like I am the better for it and it just has lots of great advice and me a little misty. Here is one of many of my favorite quotes:

“And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what it is.”

A Man Without A Country

Over Sea, Under Stone

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I just finished reading Over Sea, Under Stone by Susan Cooper. One of my friends lent it to me after I was talking about the weird supernatural elements in A Time of Torment. This eventually led to talking about books we read as kids and she suggested this one, which follows the three Drew siblings on their summer vacation to Cornwall and they discover a map that leads to Holy Grail.

It took me a long time to read because it never pulled me in. Maybe if I had read it as kid or teen it might have had more appeal but the plot and characters didn’t come across as very developed, which is weird because the story of three kids following a map to find the Holy Grail while being pursued by the forces of evil seems like an exciting plot but I guess this story just wasn’t for me. I am glad I finished it because not finishing a book always bothers me.  I think there are maybe four books that I can remember not finishing: Blackout, Gypsy Rizka, and A Farewell to Arms. I don’t remember why I didn’t finish Gypsy Rizka. Blackout is about a plane that is taken hostage and I was probably too young to be reading and got too stressed out. I still might have it somewhere. I didn’t finish A Farewell to Arms because I had a book report coming up and was running out time.

I had been working on Walden since last October and haven’t finished. I’m not counting this one since it was a reread. I probably do need to go back and try to finish or at least revisit because the first chapter is my favorite and it makes more sense at 27 than at 16.

 

Over Sea, Under Stone

A Time of Torment


As usual, some time ago, I finished up reading a book. Eventually I hope I will get better about posting things and actually figuring out where I want to go in the venture but in the meantime, my thoughts on John Connolly’s A Time of Torment. I’ve been a fan of Connolly’s since discovering The Book of Lost Things at a used book sale in my home town. I’m due for a reread on that so eventually, hopefully, you’ll have something on that.

A Time of Torment is one of the more recent installments of Connolly’s Charlie Parker novels. This book follows Parker on his investigation into the framing of a local hero in Main who believes the people that framed him are still after him. The investigation leads Parker and his friends, Angel and Louis, to The Cut, a small community within West Virginia known for secrecy and hostility towards outsiders. Since it’s been over a month since I finished the book and I gave it to my dad to read, my memories are pretty hazy. So rather than bore you with a synopsis of it, I’m just going to suggest that you read it. Especially if you like that feeling of not being able to put a book down because the suspense is killing you. I was spending every spare minute I had reading just to get to the end. This even led to me staying up close to midnight one night (I wake up at 5:30) and being spooked when something fell off my kitchen counter. That was the scariest moment I had experienced in a while and it probably didn’t help that when I wasn’t reading this book I was catching up on My Favorite Murder at work. If you happen to be looking for podcast recommendations, MFM is amazing! 

Jiu-Jitsu updates: Not competing this summer after all. I was really hoping to compete in a local tournament this weekend but life gets in the way. After that tournament last October, I learned that I really shouldn’t be competing if my mind and heart aren’t in it.

 

A Time of Torment

Procrastination

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Waving to my fans.

As usual I’m updating almost a month after my last competition*. In April I competed in the NABJJ Grand Canyon Open for the second time. This was exciting for several reasons: The Grand Canyon Open was my first tournament last year, I got to compete with more of teammates since it was a one day tournament, and it was the first time in a long time where I actually felt really good about my performance and the experience as a whole. This isn’t to say that there weren’t any bumps in the road but it was a complete 180 from my worst performance (s far) at Nationals last October and I had a better bracket than at NAGA in February.

I ended up with second place in a bracket of 4 so that was fun. Especially after I called my dad to let him know I got second that that it wasn’t out of two. I won my first match off of points which is great but also a little frustrating. I feel like I should have been able to get a submission but I tend to have a hard time settling into position before attempting to submit. I need to work on that for future competitions. I think the final score ended up being 26-3. Despite the score that match was exhausting and I felt so shaky and drained afterwards and wanted to cry. This is probably because of the adrenaline from the match and how I was so used to only having one match and losing. Winning was weird! My coaches also missed that match. The tournament was running ahead of schedule (my only complaint as far as organization goes) and that was frustrating but luckily my friend and teammate Stefan was able to coach me and I’m super glad he was there for that. He also drove us home and prevented me from falling asleep at the wheel.

I’m not sure how much I waited before my second match but t felt like an eternity and one of my teammates competed in that time. When it was finally my turn to go again; I was not feeling well. My body was worn out from the adrenaline dump and I felt nauseous. I got caught in my opponents guard and had the hardest time breaking it. I could barely concentrate and felt really hot and dizzy. I think I finally did manage to get out and there was a scramble but I ended trapped in an omoplata and tapping. I was really hoping to win but wasn’t crushed with my loss.

I felt good about my training before and was focused and ready. The best part of this tournament was my family coming to watch. Several of my cousins were able to make it and it was so nice to be surrounded by so much love afterwards and they were proud and impressed which in turn made me very happy and gracious.

There are a couple tournaments coming up this summer and I’m looking forward to competing. Each time I compete I learn something new. Previously, that lesson had been the need to not get caught in mount and learn how to escape. This time, I think my main take away is that I need to be more patient and take my time once I get to a position rather than relying on constantly changing positions.

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My cousins, AKA fans. 🙂

*At this point it’s been two months since my competition and one month since I first wrote all of this out. Why am I like this?

Procrastination

NAGA

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Where does the time go? I competed in Naga almost two months ago. As usual, I got super busy with training and work and a little scared about posting. Writing here, still makes me feel a little nervous and vulnerable. Anyhow, back to the tournament. For the most part, competing went much better than the last time. I still lost my match and ended up with third place but the overall experience and my head space was much better! I was excited just to be there and wanted to have fun.

I got to watch the kids team compete and it was the first tournament for a several of my drilling parts. Being there for that was exciting and it was fun to watch them roll with strangers and different motivations than rolling at your gym. A couple of days after the tournament one teammate observed that competing requires an entirely different skill set.

Even though this competition was more fun than the last one, it was fun and games. I decided to cut weight for the tournament so that I’d be competing in a smaller weigh class (130-139lb v. 140-159lb). I started dieting about 3 weeks out and weighed 146 and was able to weigh the morning of at 138. Cutting weight was not fun and I didn’t have to lose that much compared to what some of the fighters have to deal with at our gym so hats off to them. I was so grumpy and tired and probably won’t be cutting again. Mostly because there was no in my weight class and I was bumped up to the one I was trying to avoid. One of my teammates was also bumped up to that class and division. We both lost our matches and decided not to fight each other for third. It didn’t feel right and I had started eating chips immediately after my match.

The match itself was tough. Even though I felt better going into that match than the last one; I felt weak and tired from the weight cut. My opponent was also heavier and definitely stronger than me. I felt that I may have been more technical but could not get past her strength advantage. I also learned that I need to work on mount escapes. I do not want to get trapped there again during a match.

I’ll be competing again in two weeks and am looking forward to that. Hopefully it goes well despite training becoming more difficult due to the heat. Spring just started and temperatures are already hitting the low nineties in my city. Living in the desert is fun!

NAGA