Palette Cleanser – Fire in the Blood

20190420_2331551811897385538068047.jpg

After finally deciding to give up on the- book-with-the-bad-writing-that-will-not-be-named I needed something to wash out the disappointment and frustration. I decided to reread one of my favorite books. Lately, I’ve been on a bit of a rereading bend and that’s what I had been up to before starting the bad book. At the end of last year I reread The Shadow of the Wind and Harry Potter 1-3. I plan on going over these eventually.

I know that it can be considered silly to reread books, especially when there are so many books out there that I haven’t read and will probably never read but there is comfort in revisiting a beloved book. It’s like catching up with old friends. I tend to get very attached to my stories. Rereads also offer us an opportunity to see how we’ve grown. It’s possible to read one book when you’re young and come back to it years later and get something totally different out of it. For example, I’m sure if i reread The Awakening today I would feel very different about it than I did when I was 20. I didn’t understand her motivations but with almost ten years and a trail of failed relationships between I could probably understand it a little more.

Anyhow, the book I reread was Irene Nemirovsky’s Fire In The Blood.I first read it when I was 18 and it was fun to see the parts that I underlined and how despite growing so much since then, I still felt the same about those parts. The story takes place in a rural village in France during the interwar years and is told from the perspective of Silvio, a prodigal son of the village just returned after several years away. It consists primarily of his observations of his relatives and his recollections of his life when he was at that age and you and in love. I feel like this story is too hard to talk about without wholly giving it away but in a sense, it is also a reread for Silvio. He looks at his relative, Colette – recently married, and a young widow in the village, Brigitte, and is reminded of his youth and passions. One of the parts that I underlined on my initial read comes after Silvio has an argument with Colette and reflects:

When you’re twenty, love is like a fever, it makes you almost delirious. When it’s over you can hardly remember how it happened . . . Fire in the blood, how quickly it burns itself out. Faced with this blaze of dreams and desires, I felt so old, so cold, so wise. . .

One theme that does come up in the book is the choice between a complacent happiness that leads to material security and choosing that feverish and reckless love. At this point in life, I’m at a midway point between twenty and Silvio’s forty-some years and I can see where he might feel so old faced with that type of love but I also still understand it. As troublesome and dangerous as that type of love can be, I still think it is worth the blaze because to me, being with someone without that spark does not seem worth the time. Even Silvio despite, his weariness agrees, “I’m undoubtedly wrong to generalize; there are people who are sensible at twenty, but i’ll take the recklessness of my youth over their restraint any days.” Me, too Silvio, me too!

I’m starting to ramble and wish I had the time to write about this book as soon I finished it. I just did not have the time. This is the first weekend I’ve had without any other obligations outside of me, to do anything. It has been great. I want to read more of Nemirovsky’s works.  Especially since this one is one my favorites and means so much to me and it’s a miracle that this book even exists. It existed only as a partial text until the rest of the manuscript was found in a suitcase by one of her daughters. Irene Nemirovsky was deported to Auschwitz in 1942.

BJJ: I’m competing the next two upcoming weekends. As usual I’m nervous and I’m moving down a weight class into what has turned out to be a way more competitive bracket for one tournament. Usually there are 3-4 women in the bracket but next weekend’s has 8! I’m excited for the challenge and to eat afterwards.

Advertisements
Palette Cleanser – Fire in the Blood

Unfinished Books are theee WORST!

20190318_1713368428687764979730938.jpg

Unfinished books are something that I try to avoid and that is because they haunt me. As a result there are only a handful of them and I can remember why I gave up on them: nothing is happening, this is terrifying and I’m too young to be reading this, I have a book report due next week and this is taking too long! Well, I just added one more to that list and I won’t name it but the reason I gave up was the writing irritating me and one of the main characters seemed to only wear gowns and never dresses and honestly, that is just realistic, even for a story set around Victorian/Belle Époque eras. Day dresses were a thing and not every garment worn by a woman is a gown. I know this is super dumb but it just started to grate on me. Not deciding to definitely not finish this book was a bit of a struggle. It was a Christmas gift and the person that gave it me really loved it and I think there is meaning is sharing books with other people. Whenever I give someone a book or lend one out, it’s because there was something in that touched my soul and I want to see if it stirs something similar in them. As a result, I get a little sad if whatever I give/suggest isn’t read and want to try to avoid having someone else feel that way.

But it just wasn’t going to happen. Overall, there was potential for this book to be something that I liked but I don’t know, it was too YA in a bad way.  There was one subplot that I was really interested in and maybe I’ll go back to it but honestly, I just have the right now. There are too many other books I want to read, the ones I need to resume, and writing to catch up on.  I have had what feels like way less time than usual for these pursuits because this year has been insane. I bought a house and the past three months have been dedicated to organizing for my move, cleaning out the old apartment, and setting up my new house! Not to mention the actual process of buying a house. It was a bit impulsive and I didn’t know what to expect and it was lengthy. On top of this, it seems like everyone I know is getting married this year so I’ve had to go some weddings and other related events! It’s been fun but I’m tired and hopefully now I can have more time to read and write! AND TRAIN!

Training has been going really well lately and I’m glad to be on an upswing. I’ve also thrown in muay thai and have worked my way to sparring, which is a whole different animal than bjj and rolling. It’s been great to be at the bottom again. There is so much potential since there is nowhere to go but up and it’s deeply humbling to be a total beginner again!

Unfinished Books are theee WORST!