Where does the time go? I competed in Naga almost two months ago. As usual, I got super busy with training and work and a little scared about posting. Writing here, still makes me feel a little nervous and vulnerable. Anyhow, back to the tournament. For the most part, competing went much better than the last time. I still lost my match and ended up with third place but the overall experience and my head space was much better! I was excited just to be there and wanted to have fun.
I got to watch the kids team compete and it was the first tournament for a several of my drilling parts. Being there for that was exciting and it was fun to watch them roll with strangers and different motivations than rolling at your gym. A couple of days after the tournament one teammate observed that competing requires an entirely different skill set.
Even though this competition was more fun than the last one, it was fun and games. I decided to cut weight for the tournament so that I’d be competing in a smaller weigh class (130-139lb v. 140-159lb). I started dieting about 3 weeks out and weighed 146 and was able to weigh the morning of at 138. Cutting weight was not fun and I didn’t have to lose that much compared to what some of the fighters have to deal with at our gym so hats off to them. I was so grumpy and tired and probably won’t be cutting again. Mostly because there was no in my weight class and I was bumped up to the one I was trying to avoid. One of my teammates was also bumped up to that class and division. We both lost our matches and decided not to fight each other for third. It didn’t feel right and I had started eating chips immediately after my match.
The match itself was tough. Even though I felt better going into that match than the last one; I felt weak and tired from the weight cut. My opponent was also heavier and definitely stronger than me. I felt that I may have been more technical but could not get past her strength advantage. I also learned that I need to work on mount escapes. I do not want to get trapped there again during a match.
I’ll be competing again in two weeks and am looking forward to that. Hopefully it goes well despite training becoming more difficult due to the heat. Spring just started and temperatures are already hitting the low nineties in my city. Living in the desert is fun!
About two months ago, I finished up reading The Girls by Emma Cline. The book serves as a parallel/allegory to the Manson Family and the women that made up his cult. Like, the history of the Manson Family and subsequent murders, The Girls is set in California during the late sixties and is told from Evie’s perspective through a series of flash-forwards and flashbacks. Evie is 14 years and a bit of misfit. She doesn’t have very many friends and has slipped through the cracks of her parents’ divorce, while each parent if focused on new romantic pursuits. The loneliness that is born of this situation makes her vulnerable to the charm of Suzanne and the societal outcasts she lives with on an abandoned ranch.
I don’t really feel the need to delve too much into the plot since the story is so widely known. Suzanne’s character is clearly a parallel for Squeaky Fromme, one of Charle’s Manson’s most devoted followers. The fictional cult leader, Russell that is embittered after being unable to land a record deal, is Charles Manson. The book was a quick and light read and did a good job of capturing the feelings of isolation that begin to settle in during adolescence. I’m not sure if those feelings ever go away but you do become less vulnerable with age.
I think I would have found the material more engaging if I hadn’t listen to Karina Longworth’s summer series on the murders, Charles Manson’s Hollywood. It is part You Must Remember This which is easily my favorite podcast. The podcasts delves into the secrets and forgotten stories of Old Hollywood and is incredibly well done. In Charles Manson’s Hollywood, Longworth immerses the listeners in the various players and intricacies operating around Manson. I would definitely recommend checking out the podcast in addition to the book.
In BJJ news: NAGA is coming up in a few weeks. I still need to register.
Last winter I read Haruki Murakami’s 1Q84. I ended up reading on accident, almost. I didn’t have a book to read at lunch one day and my coworker, Amelia, was kinda enough to let me read her copy. I borrowed her copy at lunch for about a week until I bought my own and we both set out to read it so we could have a mini book club.
Reading the book in tandem was fun experience because we each had different reactions to the book. Amelia loved it and I was underwhelmed. I felt that there was a lot of buildup with very little pay off at the end of the book for the main characters. I didn’t think it was all bad; I just wanted more for such a long book! I thought the world building was amazing and how the setting revolved around there being to worlds. Amelia and I loved it so much that when things start going awry or getting weird at work we refer to it as “Full 2Q16”. We also started to apply it to our lives outside of work.
Anyhow, I took this book to my local book exchange so I could buy Walden and the guy working the counter loved but also noted that I am not alone in my feelings and suggested another Murakami book. I just don’t remember which. I
In other news, training has been going well. My gym is hosting a smoker this upcoming Friday and this year grappling matches are included. I haven’t heard from my coach if I have match but fingers crossed! I’m still a little scared and anxious from the last tournament but the only way to improve is to confront those fears.
Well it happened and it’s over. I have so many mixed feelings about how it all turned. Going into it I didn’t have the same frame of mind that I had with the previous tournaments. A lot of my personal relationships have shifted and I think my feelings about that definitely came into play and distracted me but it wasn’t all bad. My dad was able to watch me compete and that was a delightful surprise. The morning of the tournament he called and told me to cancel my plans with my friends for the ride to Phoenix because he would be taking me. My sister also joined us!
We got to the tournament early and ended up with a lot of free time. My family got to eat and I just got to deal with more anxiety about my match. I just felt so much more nervous this time. As I’ve had time to think about it, I think that nervousness may have come from pressure I had put on myself to do well based of off how the last two tournaments had gone. They went well and honestly, those successes felt like flukes since I’m so used to not doing well athletically. I played basketball and softball as a kid and was never that good but that may be because those weren’t the sports for me. Anyhow, back to the tournament! So all the time I had before the match evaporated once it was time for weigh ins and everything was a whirl wind.
I was where I needed to be with my weight but my gi was too short! Luckily, thanks to the advice of my coach, I packed an extra. As soon as I passed my check, I was up. I hated running late and was still readjusting my belt. Then it was time to get on the mats. The match started off alright. I pulled guard and tried to arm bar my opponent from there. Details are hazy but the first half of the match went well. I wasn’t able to get the arm bar but was in control and managed to take her back. I couldn’t get my grips right to complete the choke we had been working on in class. I lost my position and may have moved into side control and then mount. I need to watch the video again but at some point I decided to move from being on top to bottom and everything went south after that. I was pinned in side control and mentally a switch went off. I just didn’t want to be there. I started to feel like I was going to throw up and cry. I think all the stress and anxiety I had going into the match got the best of me. From what I heard after, it looked like I totally forgot the basics, like how to shrimp! My opponent then got an Ezekiel choke on me. I was able to sweep her and get on top but she still had the choke and I was beginning to cough and gurgle. I tapped and placed second in our division. We were the only competitors.
I still feel weird about the whole thing. I hated disappointing my coach and not having a decent answer for when he asked me, “What were you thinking when you went on bottom?” One of teammates volunteered answer for me and suggested I probably felt more comfortable on bottom. This is true. I still don’t feel very confident in my top game even though that teammate has been helping me with my arm bar from mount. Besides all of that, I think the loss was a necessary experience. I’m still figuring what I’ve learned from it besides confirming my suspicions that I don’t love competing. Even though it’s not my favorite thing, I still plan on competing in the future because I think it’s really important for me to push myself out of my comfort zone and take risks. I hate when I feel like my life has become stagnant and competing helps keep those feelings at bay and gives me a chance to test what I’ve been working in class. At the end of day, I feel so lucky to have found something that I’m passionate. I love how deeply humbling jiu jitsu can be and how that humility feeds my drive to learn more and continue to improve.
I meant to write an entry about my feelings leading up to my first tournament. “I meant” seems to be a common theme here and I had planned to post several updates in real time so that training would have also been included. To an extent, I think fear keeps me from posting as regularly as I plan to. That and time constraints. There are only so many hours during the day and between working full time, training as much as body can handle, and applying to school, sometimes I just want to watch TV and zone out. But the fear. I have always been afraid about opening myself up to criticism and generally tend to be shy and quiet but fear is important and has definitely played a role in my jiu-jitsu and my decision to compete.
This past April I competed in the Grand Canyon Open hosted by the NABJJF. I entered two divisions: women’s white belt at lightweight for gi and no-gi. I decided to sign up in December of last year when my gym first announced the tournament and my coach suggested I sign up and do gi and nogi so I would have more matches and experience. I didn’t really have a plan for my training besides showing up to as many classes as possible and hoping to retain the information I learned.My approach to the tournament was kind of like how I went into the first few months of jiu-jitsu: try to survive. Haha. I didn’t even really have an idea of what to expect once the tournament came around because it was my first time I had ever competed individually. Not knowing what the expect may have been the thing for me even though I was dying of nerves when I finally stepped on the mats and the pictures show me looking like I was about to throw up.
I don’t remember much from that tournament after the first match. Details are foggy but I mostly remember how I feel. I won my first match via submission. I think it was with a simple choke. After the match while waiting for the next one to start I was doing my best not to panic, cry, and throw up. It was my first adrenaline dumb I had never felt anything like it and it was just horrible. I had also jammed my thumb but that wasn’t immediately obvious until after my second match. I lost that match to an arm bar or trianlge, I don’t remember anything except the other girl was super strong. I placed 2nd in gi.
There was time for a brief break after gi before the n-gi division started. I was so happy to see that so many of my friends and some of my family were there.It amplified me wanting to cry even more. I don’t know, I guess the adrenaline just had me feeling super emotional. Also exhausted. I remember trying to get outside as fast as possible and tearing off my gi and using the jack as a blanket to lay on outside. I was just a mess. Again, the adrenaline was too much. Luckily, we had enough time to get some food before the next match. My coaches recommended I eat but unfortunately, we went to a burger place. I only had a bite or two because I was still feeling weird and the pain from my jammed though was becoming noticeable.
I got my finger taped and was ready to go for the no-gi rounds. Or at least i thought. I think by that point my body was just giving up. My opponent during the first match was really tough and she ended winning 1st place. I remember trying my hardest to do well but the right side of my body started to cramp up and I just wanted it to end. Eventually it did end. I don’t remember how I lost and I still haven’t looked at the video from that match. I think I ended up with five matches that day and got 3rd in no -gi. I was so relieved when it was over and felt so proud of myself for having gone through with it.
Anyhow, none of this matters right now because I’m competing again on Saturday and am feeling super anxious about it. I’m not even sure why. It’s not my first tournament and I’m only signed up for gi but I can’t help but feel nervous and almost sick. I guess this is normal. I can’t wait until it’s over. I’ll update after that results and more thoughts on competing. I also finally finished Far From the Madding Crowd and will have something up on that eventually.
I’m still working on Far From the Madding Crowd. It was finally picking up and I was making progress and then, I don’t know. I feel like I got really busy and was coming home from the gym too late and exhausted and just wanted to sleep. I also fell into a bit of Netflix rabbit hole and that definitely contributed. I didn’t step away from reading anything completely though.
I got my hands on a copy of Harry Potter and The Cursed Child, thanks to my friend Rachel, and read that in an afternoon and still had time for no gi. It was a fast read but not necessarily because the story was compelling to me, but rather that it is a copy of the script for the stage production. So the pages weren’t filled with text and the parts were spaced out.
Anyhow, I didn’t really like it. Initially, I was excited for a chance to say hello to my friends again and was let down at the water downed versions that this book presented. I feel like there could have been potential for something that was less lackluster. Scorpious Malfoy was my favorite character. He was so sweet, smart, and earnest. Albus Severus just seemed like the Harry Potter that was presented in the “Wizard Angst” episode of The Potter Pals, Just so whiny.I also hated how it reduced everyone to the most basic obvious traits of their respective house. There was so much focus on how evil people sorted into Slytherin are. Maybe I’m just a little sensitive since Pottermore sorted me into Slytherin and it was a member of Gryffindor that sold the Potters out to Voldemort.
In other news, I didn’t train this last week. I ended up with a really bad sinus infection and couldn’t do much besides sleep. I’m excited for this week. My gym is hosting it’s first women’s only intro to BJJ class. Hopefully more women will be interested and I won’t be the only girl, not that’s is that terrible. 🙂
I decided to name my blog Books and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu because prior to taking up BJJ, whenever someone would ask me what I like to do for fun or what my hobbies are, my answer was always reading. This was usually followed by one of my least favorite questions ever, “What kind of books do you read?” Internally, it’s followed by a groan but usually end up muttering something about reading a little bit of everything which isn’t untrue.
Lately, I haven’t been doing much reading at all. I read several books at the end of last year and this year have only managed to complete one so far, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It was my introduction to Hunter S. Thomas and I really enjoyed it. I just hate that it took my so long to read. It’s a short book but I spent about four months on it, just reading a bit here and there. I’ve been a weird reading funk lately.
Right now I’m working my way through Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy. This is one of those instances were I saw a movie and absolutely loved it and was delighted to find out it was a book. I loved the movie and was pleasantly surprised to see how this story compared to Tess of the D’Urberville’s, also by Hardy. Tess of the D’Urberville’s was a good story and my reading of it also had it it’s origins in a movie I had seen based on it but it was so depressing and took forever to read. I had to keep taking breaks. Anyhow, I’ll update more on my current when I finish and perhaps go into further depth about both novels and their accompanying films.
I haven’t wholly decided how I’m going to incorporate books into this. I don’t think full on reviews would be very fun to write but maybe I’ll stick to my observations of the book, how it makes me feel, and things that I can relate it to. I may also delve into some of the books from last year that I still think about it.
Hopefully, my postings will be more regular. I had intended to chronicle my adventures in BJJ and post about my first tournament and the lead up to and a round up of my first year. I’ve since competed in two tournaments and jiu-jitsu birthday has already passed! They may still be worth a post .